There

We want to belong (somewhere).
The need to belong is a human genetic need from our tribal days.
We hold a survival lens, a fear of being kicked out of the tribe.
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I have a friend.
She does this. She runs from her feelings and self-understanding.
Most of us do.
She jumps from one stress crisis to the next.
Panicking. Stressing. Frantic.
Moving at a fast pace. All external.
She likes to “relax” from the stress by shopping, ordering food, watching TV, or planning her next vacation. She craves the dopamine hunt of distraction to ignore the true issues under her surface. She reacts to the immediate problems in front of her. Then she numbs out. Rinse and repeat. Sound familiar?
Stop.
Take a breath.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable.
My friend thinks if she does one thing it will fix all the things. There are a lot of scary shadows in her closet. I don’t blame her for not wanting to sit still. She’s probably not ready for it. No amount of ignoring is going move you forward until you deal with root issues. 
I did it recently. 
It wasn’t easy and it took some time. This I didn’t get my first time around of trying. Or second or third or fourth. I didn’t realize each failed attempt was an actual step in the right direction. I crested into this new level of self-understanding. What felt like an impossibility now feels normal because I took the steps through self-doubt, imposter syndrome, pain, confusion, trauma and fear to help myself. I failed. A lot. Or what it felt like failing. I didn’t know at the time that it was progress.
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Want to read a big secret?
I started learning about myself. 
I quit external validation and fixing other’s problems. I worked on my self esteem, my flaws, my strengths and the friends around me I could see face to face. (My chosen family.)
Because I stopped looking outward. I wrote, searched, read, and found people who helped explain things that I didn’t get as a kid or as an adult. I acted upon them. I tried things that worked and I tried things that didn’t work and slowly got really into liking who I was. I found the elusive confidence and understanding that I had been missing for a long time.
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We need more serotonin and dopamine in our lives in the form of actual human contact, not digitally.
All you need is yourself
Some space
Some time
And actual effort
Something we don’t fully understand with the instant clicks these days
The are so many invisible, useless things we hang on to.
Are you ready to put in some work on finding yourself?