First Question

Are you a good enough friend to yourself?

If you want to seek out positive qualities in friends, you also need to possess them.

What is your definition of a friend? Have you ever thought too much into the question? What kind of friend are you? It’s such an umbrella word these days, especially with social media. Let’s look into it more. A STUDY suggests the following.

How many hours does it take to be a friend?

  • Under 40 hours to be an ACQUAINTANCE
  • 40 to 60 hours to be a CASUAL FRIEND
  • 80 to 100 hours to be a FRIEND
  • 200 + hours to be a BEST FRIEND

The word friend has been shoveled into MANY different arenas just like the word snow or love. There are many, many different kinds. In philosophical discussions of friendship, it is common to follow Aristotle (Nicomachean Ethics, Book VIII) in distinguishing three kinds of friendship: friendships of pleasure, of utility, and of virtue. A dictionary told me that a FRIEND is a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations

We have online friends, text friends and actual in real life friends, but what would a close real friend look like? I guess it was too many characters for the programmers to ask someone on social media “will you be an acquaintance of mine?” Friend sounds nice, the word is easy enough to say. It’s cuddly and warm.  If you break down what it actually takes to be truer deeper friends with someone it takes a little more than hitting the thumbs up button.

Ways to improve yourself & your friendships

01. Talk Less (Gossip), Listen More

Sorry Mr. Hamilton, Aaron Burr was apparently right

As fun as it is to talk about ourselves sometimes or talk shit about someone else, that’s really not going to make us feel better in the long run. Gossip is surprisingly normal. It stems from thousands of years ago when we all hung out in tribes and that was how the good word was passed around. I agree with Anna Akana on how this is the only way you should talk gossip on others.

 

02. Work on Yourself

Are you a good friend to you?

How can you be a good friend to others if you aren’t a good friend to yourself? Sit on that one for a minute. It is so easy to push away being uncomfortable and go drown out your issues with scrolling, tv, food, shopping, drinking, fill in the blank on countless other things to do. Need more direction? Go There to learn more about who you are under those layers.

03. Showing Off Doesn’t Actually Work

Take off the filter and show some vulnerability

As much as we’re shown externally how material stuff matters, it doesn’t. It’s like expecting salt water to quench your thirst. Companies can’t make money off you being open and honest and enjoying a group of real friends. My best times with friends have involved doing nothing but talking. It’s easier to prey on our tribal need to fit in. If a pseudo Alpha (or whatever label can be given) has something shiny, than everyone else wants it to in order to belong. Then it becomes this competition of imaginary things. It’s all imaginary anyway. That’s what’s important to really stop and think about. People only fight over imaginary things. Why would you be something that you wouldn’t want in a friend?

 

04. Communicate

We may be on different pages

The crazy thing is that we all think we live in the same world and in the same level and all have the same type of communication. None of us do. We all live in our own worlds. Each human has their own filter and even their own view on words. You could be taking about even the same WORD and see it in two different ways. 

I recently learned about high context and low context communication. Some people are high context. I am low context. I’m blunt. I say how I feel. I have recently realized that some people simply do not and can not.  Most of the high context / low context you Google will tell you how it’s more culturally related. I’ve recently turned it towards analyzing how my friends communicate. Many of my friends are subtle in what they REALLY mean. Like quark subtle to me but it feels like shouting to them. Emotions are hard to express and it’s very subtle. Too subtle for me at times. This knowledge has come to hear what certain friends are saying more accurately.

 

The better you know and spend time learning about yourself, the better you can handle others and their communication styles.

 

05. Temporary is Okay

At times friendships just teach very important lessons we don’t want to see

We’re shown and told that best friends are forever, but as a species that is constantly growing and changing, how can we be surprised when two people realize they have outgrown each other? It’s sometimes painful and awkward (more awkward than spelling the word awkward,) We could view it as an experience with someone that helped you grow for better or maybe you learned what you don’t want and who you don’t want to be.

 

A List of Solid Friend Traits 

Trustworthy
Honest
Dependable
Loyal
Empathetic
Doesn’t pressure you
Listens
Show up during tough times
Playful
Holds you Accountable and Pushes You Positively
Inspires You
Makes You Laugh